Relationship expert Louanne Ward, from Perth, Western Australia, posed the controversial question on her Facebook page, calling on members to decide if 'honesty was the best policy'.
Some people were of the opinion that meeting someone new should be like 'turning over a new leaf' and the past could be left unsaid, while others insisted that couples should be an 'open book' with one another.
'You need to look within yourself first as to why you did it and are you likely to do it again before you even consider another relationship,' one person said in response.
'That answer will only be clear depending on how the receiver of the information responds. Everyone says "honesty is one of their highest values" however when confronted with an action someone took in the past, their value of "loyalty" and sometimes "moral high ground" on a topic will totally override the courage, honesty and respect they have just been shown by being presented with the "truth,"' said another.
Why would you do that? All it would do is add a seed of doubt and insecurity in the new partner.
A third added: 'I've cheated and been cheated on so I have nothing to hide. I always try to be an open book with a new partner'.
One man questioned whether your new partner would be able to live with the knowledge that you had cheated before comfortably, or whether it would drive them away.
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'Hell no! What I did before doesn't need to be told to my new girlfriend because it will only cause suspicion and arguments from insecurity on her part,' agreed another man.
Another said: 'No, don't say anything... it is only a selfish act to get it off your own chest. This nonsense that total truth is best doesn't fit into being kind. Just the same way you wouldn't say your wife is fat or so on'.
Plenty of women who hadn't been cheated on before, or cheated themselves, said they would like to be told rather than find out later.
'I would much prefer honesty no matter what was done in the past. It's more about whether they have learned from their mistakes and if they have then we can't judge,' one woman said.
'I'm a completely open book and I've been cheated on a few times. I value honesty but that kind of information would have to be very, very carefully delivered - but that's me,' said another.
In Louanne's experience men tend to be more honest about past sexual indiscretions than women.
'Being transparent and owning your mistakes is far more attractive than being an avoider. It allows the other person freedom of choice to let it bother them or not,' she said.
'If someone cannot accept you for who you are when you are in the early infatuation stage of a relationship they are unlikely to be equipped to accept a revelation later down the road', she added.
source https://www.ladunliadinews.com/2020/07/should-you-tell-your-new-partner-if-you.html
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